My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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