she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
