Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
