So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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