he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
