I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just cut my nipple shaving
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
