Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
