I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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