I saw his package. It spoke to me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He passed out mid-signature
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
