I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He has the fingertips of a God
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