Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
