The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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