We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize