I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
