There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found puke in my bra..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
be right there i have to get my cape
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
