if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
