I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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