I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize