I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
