I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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