I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
