I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
