Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
