Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize