I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
