yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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