u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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