you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
did you just send me my own nude
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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