Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
