All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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