It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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