I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
