I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
