I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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