If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
