if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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