We're facebook friends in real life
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
