wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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