I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
