I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
