i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there is glitter all over my balls
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