so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
