Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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