home. puking in laundry basket.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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