Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
