It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
