the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
