Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
