they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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