Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
