I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
