Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
