Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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