The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
