My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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