Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
