I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
